The last several weeks have been a real roller coaster for me. I don’t want to use my blog as a place to air grievances, so this post is an interesting challenge for me. I considered a purely factual account of what has happened and I considered a very abstract poem type post to conceal the zings. Somehow, neither one seemed fair.
So, why am I writing about the F-Word? Mainly, as a way to shock people into reading this. This time, however, to your disappointment the F-Word is actually FAMILY. Families are crazy and confusing and complicated and awkward and abashed and awesome. The most paradoxical experiences and feelings I have are all family related.
Rather than bore you with a travel log, let me bore you with a list:
- Sometimes family is the only friend I’ve got; sometimes friends are the only family I’ve got.
- I love my family (this includes all of my families).
- “Everything it must belong somewhere; I know that now; that’s why I’m staying here.“
- When you are down, it isn’t far enough; when you are up, it isn’t high enough.
- I can’t conceive a Venn Diagram that describes my family (yes, I tried).
- People die, people move away, people stay close. None are permanent — the difference is timing.
- Kids are amazing and resilient. Adults are kids, but rigid and fragile.
- “Do what you are told”; “leave me alone”; and “or else”, all mean the same thing — I’m too scared to say what I really feel.
- Feelings are precious and precocious — keeping them safe is selfish, but imposing on someone else’s is more like murder than battery — think about the millstone (Matthew 18:6).
- God has a plan for my family — it is a lot better than mine.
- I wish I was the influence I could have been
- I fit in where I shouldn’t and don’t fit in where I should.
- My kids are the part of me that I understand.
- Finally, I love you — I’m sorry for not living up to the potential you all believe in.